Why I left the Lighthouse to go back to school

Since being home, I have realized that anyone who did not read my July newsletter is probably really confused about what I am doing back in the States sooner than planned! I don't know if any of those people might be reading my blog, but just in case I decided to post the part of my newsletter explaining the sudden change in plans.

A radical change in plans

Two months ago, I never would have imagined I would find myself where I am today. I knew that God had asked me to come to the Lighthouse, and I expected to be staying at least a couple of years. However, through a sequence of events, opportunities, and redirections, God has confirmed that it is already time for me to take other steps in pursuit of the greater calling He has shown me that He has for me. I hope that by sharing the story of how He has been leading me in this new direction that you, my friends, family, and supporters, will be able to understand why my plans have changed so quickly.

In May, I attended a two-week training for administrators to help equip me to work with the accounting of the Lighthouse. On the first day of the training, the person leading it spoke about the Parable of the Talents and challenged us to think of it not just in terms of money, but in terms of how well we are investing and putting to use the gifts and talents that God has given us. I reflected quite a bit on this the following days. I made a list in my journal of all of the gifts, talents, and abilities that I have that I either wasn’t using or wasn’t fully realizing. Beside that list, I made another list of things I could change or do differently here in order for those gifts to be more fully realized. Yet, there were a few things that stood out that couldn’t be fully realized here – things that began to remind me of and draw me back to the big picture calling God had already been showing me for my life.

When I first arrived in Brazil, during my time working as a volunteer before starting the Discipleship Training School, God began speaking to me quite a bit regarding my primary life calling as a prophet of sorts. In the Old Testament, prophets acted as the mouthpiece of God and as the mouthpiece of the marginalized, who otherwise would not have had a voice of their own. God showed me He wanted me to be this kind of mouthpiece, to speak out and raise consciousness in the church regarding issues of social justice in order to mobilize the church into action. He also showed me that He wanted to use my writing as a means of accomplishing this, to reach whatever audiences I could.

A few days later during the administrators’ training, someone passed out some information on a Christian conference to be held in Rio focusing on issues of social justice. I was excited to see the name of the speaker – Ron Sider. I had heard him speak in Portland and was in the middle of his book, Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger, and he was nothing short of being one of my heroes. In the midst of my excitement regarding the conference, I thought, Ron Sider is a professor somewhere – wouldn’t it be interesting to study under him? I looked up some information on the internet and found out he is on staff at Palmer Theological Seminary in Pennsylvania. I also discovered that every year they give out scholarships that include, in addition to financial aid, working at the Sider Center on Public Policy and being mentored by Ron Sider. On top of all of this, I discovered that it wasn’t too late to apply for this year.

I began to seriously pray about this opportunity, and felt that I should start the application process because I could always decide later. I originally wanted to apply to start in February 2010, so that I could finish the year with my girls. But then I discovered two things: 1) scholarships, including the one that involves being mentored by Ron Sider, are only available for students starting in the fall, and 2) my co-leader for my group had decided to return to Holland in September. I met with my leaders here at the Lighthouse to discuss the possibility of leaving to go back and study, and much to my surprise, they were very supportive and encouraging. My leader also suggested that even if I stayed until the end of the year, I should still cancel my group, as groups here always have two leaders and it is strongly advised not to attempt leading a group by oneself. In response to these factors, I decided to move my application to September of this year.

The past month or so has been a time of waiting for me. It has been very difficult to live in a world full of “ifs”, not knowing if my time at the Lighthouse is coming to an end or if I still have a good amount of time left here. However, it has also been a great time for me to seek God, and in the midst of uncertainty, I have been able to rest in the confidence that He knows the plans that He has for me. I had done my part in submitting all of the application materials and essays, and now it was all in His hands. If He wanted me to go, He could open this door for me. I also reached a point where I was really at peace with either outcome. Part of me loves it here so much and feels so at home here that I would have been perfectly content staying another year or so. But the other part of me knew the direction God was calling me in, and also knew that there would be nothing better to prepare me for that than this opportunity to study with Ron Sider, if I were to be granted a scholarship and be mentored by him.

My uncertainty was put to an end this past week when I received an email saying that I had been granted not one, but two scholarships I had applied for – one that covers half of the tuition and involves working at the Sider Center and being mentored by Ron Sider, and the other that is another $4000 per year, reducing my tuition costs to roughly $1000 per year! Upon reading this email, I didn’t know if I should jump up and shout for joy or start crying since that would mean leaving my new home (I did a bit of both). While waiting for this decision, I felt confident that if God wanted me to take this step, He would open the door, and if He opened it, I would walk through. I never expected to be granted two scholarships – but that was more confirmation than I had hoped for! I accepted the offer and will be flying home to Portland on August 12th before heading to Philadelphia at the end of August.

The fourth wave

I shared the news with the Lighthouse team on Friday. It was received very well, not because people are eager to see me go (at least I hope!), but because they can also see and understand the direction God is leading me in. A few fellow missionaries talked with me following my announcement, encouraging me that the direction that God is leading me in is very much in line with the fourth wave of missions, a topic that has become a popular topic conversation within YWAM and at our base.

The fourth wave basically involves extending our Christian influence into all sectors of society and living out our faith in a way that brings about social transformation. The seven spheres of influence YWAM focuses on are academics/education, politics, science/technology, the church, families, the media, and arts/entertainment. The idea is that God is calling Christians into these specific areas, to exercise their influence in the so-called “secular” world. The gospel should result not only in transformation on the individual level, but on the societal level as well.

While I am leaving foreign missions for the present time, I am not leaving the mission field. God is calling me to the front lines of the fourth wave. I don’t know where exactly God will lead me in the future, but I feel that this two-year Masters in Theological Studies program with an emphasis in Social Policy will help better equip me to have that kind of influence through giving me the opportunity to grow in knowledge and enabling me to expand my voice. At this point, I think it is likely that I will pursue a Ph.D. in sociology from a highly acclaimed secular university following my Masters degree, to further expand my knowledge, expertise, influence, and voice both within the academic world and within the church, to speak out regarding social issues and call Christians into action.

Random thoughts from this side of the world

I love driving...great to drive after not driving for so long (while in Brazil). But once I turn 25, I will no longer be covered on my parents' car insurance policy, meaning I will no longer drive, and I certainly won't be buying a car anytime soon. At least Philadelphia seems to have a good public transit system.

I left my keys in the car door TWICE today, when getting into the car. Then I sat down to start it and wondered where my keys were... I have never done that before, but thankfully that was the extent of my driving issues after 7 months of not driving!

Maybe I did it because I almost always left my keys in the outside of my bedroom door at Luzeiro.

Over the past year or so I have discovered that I really like classical music...unfortunately, while in Brazil, I only had one classical CD on my computer, which I now have totally memorized. Thankfully now I have more selection!

I picked up my flute yesterday to see if I still remembered how to play it. I was amazed I got a good sound on it right away and still remembered many scales, but I don't have any music or know where it is...but it would be fun to start playing again.

I picked up my guitar yesterday as well, which I also haven't played since high school. Still remember the chords and a few worship songs but that's about it...I was never that good on guitar to begin with. Anyone want to buy an Ovation Legend Acoustic/Electric? The same kind of guitar Shakira plays.

I've heard Shakira's new song for the first time since coming back. I tend to not like her songs at first but then they usually grow on me after awhile.

It's weird not being at the Lighthouse, but a part of my heart is still there. It already seems that I have been gone an eternity as I stepped into a totally different world, but I can still look at the clock and think of exactly what everyone is doing there at that point in time.

I hope that I can make as good of friends in Philadelphia as I made at the Lighthouse.

I don't know if I will ever be in one place for a long period of time.

Before going to Brazil, a friend asked me what song represented my life at that point. I really liked that question and like to periodically contemplate it for myself. Right now it would be "Estante da Vida" by Heloise Rosa, the first song on a CD my Brazilian friend, Rosangela, gave me as a going away gift. Part of the lyrics say,
"Não importa o lugar, sei que sou visto por Ti
Não importa o lugar, sei que sou amado por Ti
Não importa o lugar, sei que sou aceito por Ti
Não importa o lugar, sei que sou amado por Ti"

That's like my theme song right now because it reminds me no matter where I am or where I go, God is the same and He is with me and sees me, loves me, and accepts me. I'm singing this a lot right now because I just left a very special place, am home only 2 weeks, then going to a totally new place! Everything is changing like crazy, but God isn't - He is still the same and He is my stabilizing presence and my Rock.

It's only been 5 days since I left the Lighthouse...weird. Feels longer. Tomorrow night will be the first Tuesday night prayer thing at some friends' house that I won't be able to go to! I will miss that.

I really know very little about what to expect in Philadelphia, but I'm actually quite at peace about it. I have never even been to the East Coast before, I don't know anything about my roommate, I don't know what classes I will be taking, I don't know what my internship will be like, but I should know all of these things in just over 2 weeks!

It is finally sunny and decently warm here! Hip-idibipidibipidibip-hooray! I forgot to record Gerben saying that...

Initial re-entry impressions / culture shock (written 6am at the Miami airport)

It started when I caught the ônibus executivo from the city center of Belo Horizonte to the airport…

Straight from the streets of the favela to a bus full of business men dressed in fancy suits talking and negotiating business deals on their cell phones… Brazilians, but not the kind I lived among the past 16 months. They looked quite accustomed to travelling for business, whereas most of the Brazilians I met and lived among had never flown on a plane, and many had never left the city or been on a vacation.

On the plane…

I remember always complaining about airplane food as a kid, but as I was served free dinner and breakfast on my flight, I was quite thankful, and thought the food was actually pretty good. After rice and beans and more rice and beans when you can’t eat beans, perhaps that explains it! ;) The coffee was awful though, my coffee taste has become more refined during my time in Brazil as nothing compares to properly brewed Três Corações…I will just have to quit drinking coffee again now that I am back.

Then I arrive in the Miami airport…

SPANISH. SPANISH. MORE SPANISH. Time to learn how to switch between Portuguese and Spanish, Stefanie. I still understand Spanish but I am afraid that as I start speaking it again more frequently I will mess up my Portuguese…which I had finally just almost dug all of my Spanish out of…after over a year!

Then I needed something to drink, so I bought an açaí-blueberry-pomegranate flavored vitamin water, because I already miss açaí. It cost over $3 – that’s like R$6, more than it costs for a 500mL crème de açaí at the best açaí place in Belo. And...it tastes like….BUBBLEGUM! Hmm…contains less than 1% juice, that must be why! Unfortunately, I did not come up with a way to smuggle fresh açaí back into the country…..

The Lighthouse really became my home. I already miss walking the streets of the favela and running into girls from my group, their families, or others I know. It’s amazing how you can totally plop yourself down in another world in less than 24 hours (provided that you have the necessary $$$ and visas/documents).

Esquecí uma coisa muito importante na Luzeiro! Quem sabe o que que é? Eu acho que pelo menos a Barbara sabe, se ela já achou meu blog! Até esquecí de despedir dela e seu companheiro barulento...tadinha!

My famous chocolate chip cookies...

...are not so much my own. True, they made the girls in my group think I was a professional baker...I spoiled it a little by telling them I just got the recipe from the internet. But many have asked for the recipe so here is the link:

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Best-Chocolate-Chip-Cookies/Detail.aspx

I didn't use walnuts since I can't eat nuts, and since real chocolate chips are hard to find here, I bought big bars of semi-sweet chocolate and used a bit more than the recipe called for to make up for not using nuts. If I were to make them again, I think I would use a little less sugar/brown sugar because they are a bit sweet for my taste.