Why I left the Lighthouse to go back to school

Since being home, I have realized that anyone who did not read my July newsletter is probably really confused about what I am doing back in the States sooner than planned! I don't know if any of those people might be reading my blog, but just in case I decided to post the part of my newsletter explaining the sudden change in plans.

A radical change in plans

Two months ago, I never would have imagined I would find myself where I am today. I knew that God had asked me to come to the Lighthouse, and I expected to be staying at least a couple of years. However, through a sequence of events, opportunities, and redirections, God has confirmed that it is already time for me to take other steps in pursuit of the greater calling He has shown me that He has for me. I hope that by sharing the story of how He has been leading me in this new direction that you, my friends, family, and supporters, will be able to understand why my plans have changed so quickly.

In May, I attended a two-week training for administrators to help equip me to work with the accounting of the Lighthouse. On the first day of the training, the person leading it spoke about the Parable of the Talents and challenged us to think of it not just in terms of money, but in terms of how well we are investing and putting to use the gifts and talents that God has given us. I reflected quite a bit on this the following days. I made a list in my journal of all of the gifts, talents, and abilities that I have that I either wasn’t using or wasn’t fully realizing. Beside that list, I made another list of things I could change or do differently here in order for those gifts to be more fully realized. Yet, there were a few things that stood out that couldn’t be fully realized here – things that began to remind me of and draw me back to the big picture calling God had already been showing me for my life.

When I first arrived in Brazil, during my time working as a volunteer before starting the Discipleship Training School, God began speaking to me quite a bit regarding my primary life calling as a prophet of sorts. In the Old Testament, prophets acted as the mouthpiece of God and as the mouthpiece of the marginalized, who otherwise would not have had a voice of their own. God showed me He wanted me to be this kind of mouthpiece, to speak out and raise consciousness in the church regarding issues of social justice in order to mobilize the church into action. He also showed me that He wanted to use my writing as a means of accomplishing this, to reach whatever audiences I could.

A few days later during the administrators’ training, someone passed out some information on a Christian conference to be held in Rio focusing on issues of social justice. I was excited to see the name of the speaker – Ron Sider. I had heard him speak in Portland and was in the middle of his book, Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger, and he was nothing short of being one of my heroes. In the midst of my excitement regarding the conference, I thought, Ron Sider is a professor somewhere – wouldn’t it be interesting to study under him? I looked up some information on the internet and found out he is on staff at Palmer Theological Seminary in Pennsylvania. I also discovered that every year they give out scholarships that include, in addition to financial aid, working at the Sider Center on Public Policy and being mentored by Ron Sider. On top of all of this, I discovered that it wasn’t too late to apply for this year.

I began to seriously pray about this opportunity, and felt that I should start the application process because I could always decide later. I originally wanted to apply to start in February 2010, so that I could finish the year with my girls. But then I discovered two things: 1) scholarships, including the one that involves being mentored by Ron Sider, are only available for students starting in the fall, and 2) my co-leader for my group had decided to return to Holland in September. I met with my leaders here at the Lighthouse to discuss the possibility of leaving to go back and study, and much to my surprise, they were very supportive and encouraging. My leader also suggested that even if I stayed until the end of the year, I should still cancel my group, as groups here always have two leaders and it is strongly advised not to attempt leading a group by oneself. In response to these factors, I decided to move my application to September of this year.

The past month or so has been a time of waiting for me. It has been very difficult to live in a world full of “ifs”, not knowing if my time at the Lighthouse is coming to an end or if I still have a good amount of time left here. However, it has also been a great time for me to seek God, and in the midst of uncertainty, I have been able to rest in the confidence that He knows the plans that He has for me. I had done my part in submitting all of the application materials and essays, and now it was all in His hands. If He wanted me to go, He could open this door for me. I also reached a point where I was really at peace with either outcome. Part of me loves it here so much and feels so at home here that I would have been perfectly content staying another year or so. But the other part of me knew the direction God was calling me in, and also knew that there would be nothing better to prepare me for that than this opportunity to study with Ron Sider, if I were to be granted a scholarship and be mentored by him.

My uncertainty was put to an end this past week when I received an email saying that I had been granted not one, but two scholarships I had applied for – one that covers half of the tuition and involves working at the Sider Center and being mentored by Ron Sider, and the other that is another $4000 per year, reducing my tuition costs to roughly $1000 per year! Upon reading this email, I didn’t know if I should jump up and shout for joy or start crying since that would mean leaving my new home (I did a bit of both). While waiting for this decision, I felt confident that if God wanted me to take this step, He would open the door, and if He opened it, I would walk through. I never expected to be granted two scholarships – but that was more confirmation than I had hoped for! I accepted the offer and will be flying home to Portland on August 12th before heading to Philadelphia at the end of August.

The fourth wave

I shared the news with the Lighthouse team on Friday. It was received very well, not because people are eager to see me go (at least I hope!), but because they can also see and understand the direction God is leading me in. A few fellow missionaries talked with me following my announcement, encouraging me that the direction that God is leading me in is very much in line with the fourth wave of missions, a topic that has become a popular topic conversation within YWAM and at our base.

The fourth wave basically involves extending our Christian influence into all sectors of society and living out our faith in a way that brings about social transformation. The seven spheres of influence YWAM focuses on are academics/education, politics, science/technology, the church, families, the media, and arts/entertainment. The idea is that God is calling Christians into these specific areas, to exercise their influence in the so-called “secular” world. The gospel should result not only in transformation on the individual level, but on the societal level as well.

While I am leaving foreign missions for the present time, I am not leaving the mission field. God is calling me to the front lines of the fourth wave. I don’t know where exactly God will lead me in the future, but I feel that this two-year Masters in Theological Studies program with an emphasis in Social Policy will help better equip me to have that kind of influence through giving me the opportunity to grow in knowledge and enabling me to expand my voice. At this point, I think it is likely that I will pursue a Ph.D. in sociology from a highly acclaimed secular university following my Masters degree, to further expand my knowledge, expertise, influence, and voice both within the academic world and within the church, to speak out regarding social issues and call Christians into action.